roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
