whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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