I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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