How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
