i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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