I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
