One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize