Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
