That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
