no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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