Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
