omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
