I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
