my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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