im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
