if i can run in heels then i can drive
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
