I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
