I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he fucked my hip out of place.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
