I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
