I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
