You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
