I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
