I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
