Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
