In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
