I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
