how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm gonna fight the coyote
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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