I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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