if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
