respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
