Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
