ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
