mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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