Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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