and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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