Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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