If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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