she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
