John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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