It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
