I saw his package. It spoke to me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
