butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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