Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
