so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
