Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just blew my weed a kiss
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
