I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
