im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
