apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
