Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
