so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
