So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
