I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize