This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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