then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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