Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
