oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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