I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
