If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Come see our sink grown plant.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
