i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize