I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
