Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
