Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
