i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
