I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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