reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
