Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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