It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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