uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
