I need help removing her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
