remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
