I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
