I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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