How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
