I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
