do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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