IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
