There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
