I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
