These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
