if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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