I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
