I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The Olympian is in my bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
